Face Up
by 55yunalovstidus5545
Summary: After Tony ends up in the hospital from a bomb, Ziva thinks about what happened and wondered if it was her fault. She knew it was. While their love hold them together or will they slowly drift apart? TIVA! Sonfic
1. Chapter 1

**Face Up.**

**It's late and I am tired**

**Wish I could spark your smile.**

Ziva walked down the street towards her apartment, rain pouring down around her, having just come from N.C.I.S. She stopped and tilted her head up towards the heavens, closing her eyes as rain cascaded onto her face.

She wished that it hadn't of happened this way. She wished that it hadn't had happened at all. She sighed and blinked her eyes open, trying not to flinch or blink at the onslaught of the rain.

**The place is flying high**

**But right now I wanna be low.**

Her head snapped back down as she heard footsteps behind her. She looked around her, looking for the closest alleyway. One in front of her to her left. Ziva walked forward a couple steps the disappeared into the alley, making herself disappear into the shadows. She tensed as the footsteps came closer and she pushed her back against the wall. She breathed a sigh of relief as a couple of teenagers passed by, walking and laughing with each other. She leaned her head back up against the wall and once again tilted her head up to the sky…

**Don't wanna move an inch**

**Let alone a million miles.**

Ziva needed to leave, leave this alley and get back to her apartment. She groaned at how far she had to walk. She sank to the ground, not caring if it was dirty.

None of that mattered.

Ziva let her head fall into her hands. She tried to clear her mind, tried to sweep away the clutter.

She stopped herself from flinching when her phone rang. She pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. Gibbs.

**I don't wanna go**

**But I know I gotta go.**

"David," Ziva said into the phone.

"Where are you, David?"

She sighed. "I'm at my apartment, Gibbs. Why?" she questioned. It was silent on the other end and Ziva knew he knew that she had lied. She sighed again then mumbled, "I'm in an alley. Do we have another investigation?"

It was a moment before Gibbs answered softly, "You need to get home, Zee."

**I just want….**

**To feel alive….**

Ziva froze, confused. Gibbs rarely acted like this, only if there was a threat to someone he cared about. "I know, I know," she heard herself saying, "I thought someone was following me so I ducked in here for a second."

"You're sitting on the ground, aren't you?"

She winced. Of course he would know that. Why had she lied to him. Why did anybody lie to him. "Why did you call me?"

"We just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed upset after you got the… news…"

"I'm on my way to my apartment," she said before she hung up.

She sat there still, for a few minutes, trying to remember the way her heart used to flutter…

When she saw him…

She shook her head, pushing back the memories and thoughts of him. She pushed herself up easily and made her way towards her apartment.

**The times…**

**You don't wanna wake up.**

Ziva jolted awake and glanced around her room cautiously. She relaxed back against the pillow when she found nobody else in the room and closed her eyes, trying to fall back to sleep.

She tried everything: counting sheep, relaxing her body from the toes up, even saying goodnight to everybody she knew. Nothing worked. She sighed and turned over on her side, glancing at the clock. She groaned. It was only 11:00.

She laid like that for awhile before she closed her eyes and tried to remember the dream she'd been having.

**Cause in your sleep **

**It's never over when you give up.**

**Dream**

_She stood on a dark street. There were no cars parked on the street or any cars parked on the street or any cars driving by. She glanced up and noticed a lamppost above her before she quickly looked away before the light blinded her. She rubbed at her eyes, freezing when she heard the sound she hated to hear._

_Footsteps. Coming towards her._

_ Her head snapped up and she had to blink several times before she was able to see. Her eyes pierced the darkness, looking for anything, before she found them. When she had, they turned around, as if sensing her eyes on them. __**No**__, she thought, __**it couldn't be. It couldn't be…**_

_Him._

_ He smiled at her, then turned back around and walked away. She stood still for half a second, perplexed, before she was finally able to will her feet to move. She ran after him, down that long, narrow, horribly dark street. Knowing in her heart that she would not catch him._

_ With every step she took, he seemed to be farther and farther away. As if the space between them was being stretched til' it was expendable._

_ Finally, she gave up and stopped running, trying to catch her breath. She turned around and was about to start walking away when she heard him say her name. She froze, then swiveled around, her eyes searching for him. She sighed when she could not find him and turned around slowly, not bothering to look up. When she did, she gasped, unable to stop herself in time._

_ He stood right in front of her now, as if he had been there the whole time. When she met his eyes, he gave her the smile that she loved so much. Still seeing it, darkness consumed her and took her in its hold…_

**Dream end**

**The…sun…**

**Is always gonna rise up.**

She blinked her eyes open, shaking off the remnants of her dream. She stared at the ceiling above, going through her memories of when she had just started her training for Mossad. She had been so young when she had started.

Too young.

No girl should have gone through what she had gone through. No girl should have to learn and to train to become an assassin at such a young age. Every time she had gone to bed, she had prayed that the sun would not come up the next day.

**You need to get up**

**Gotta keep your head up.**

But every time she had woken up the next morning with the sun on her face, she had always gotten up to face the new day ahead of her. Instead of bowing her head to the faces that surrounded her training, she had kept it up, staring death in the face.

**Look…at…**

**The people all around you.**

Ziva opened her eyes once more and turned to look at the picture on her dresser. It was a picture of her, Gibbs, Abby, Tony, McGee, Ducky, and Palmer in the bullpen when it had been her birthday.

She smiled as she recalled how Abby had insisted that they all take a picture together. They'd all agreed except for her and they had had to dog-tackle her so that she couldn't run for the elevator.

**The way you feel **

**Is something everybody goes through.**

Looking at each of them, her smile faded as she wondered if anyone of them had ever felt the way she felt right now. She looked at Gibbs and knew that he had, especially after losing his only child and first wife.

She glanced at herself and was envious of how happy as she had looked and felt back then. Now, she felt despair. Angry.

Alone.

**Dark…out…**

**But you still gotta rise up.**

Ziva glanced at her clock and groaned. It was already five a.m. She turned away from the clock and thought about the life she could've had if she hadn't been trained as an assassin at a young age. She flinched. She couldn't see herself as anything else… Her whole life was here…

With him…

**You need to wake up.**

**Gotta keep your face up.**

She pushed those thoughts away, to the dark corner in her mind where she would never think of it again.

"Liar."

She jolted up into a sitting position, frantically searching the room with her eyes. When she didn't see anyone, she shook her head at herself, and whispered, "Great. Now I'm hearing voices."

"Yah, you are."

She ignored it and got up and got dressed. She didn't even notice the window that was open in her living room when she left.

**Seems like the more you grow,**

**The more time you spend alone.**

Ziva was sitting next to Tony's hospital bed, staring at him. The doctor had informed her earlier that he was sleeping and he'd be able to leave within a week.

She reached out to touch the jagged cut that ran from his right temple to his upper lip. But before she touched it, she stopped herself and pulled her hand away. She couldn't stand the thought of him being hurt, especially when it was her fault to begin with.

She had done this to him, had almost made herself live alone for the rest of her life.

She needed to leave, needed to get out of this hell that she'd fallen into. Needed to leave and spend sometime alone and think.

Ziva laughed at herself. She had been alone for so many years before she was sent here and he walked into her life. Then Jeanne happened and she had been alone again, on her own, like she had always been.

**Before you know it,**

**You end up perfectly on your own.**

She pushed herself out of the hospital chair and almost ran out of the room, unable to look at him. Unable to stand the thought of him dying.

Unable to stand the thought of what she had almost let happen.

She walked to the elevator and pressed the button for the garage floor. As the doors closed, she was completely and totally alone.

Like she always had been…

Like she always would be.

**The city's shinning bright**

**But you don't see the light.**

As soon as she got outside, she started walking away from the hospital, not caring where she was going. She walked cautiously in the dim light, not noticing that it was nighttime.


	2. Chapter 2

Face Up Chapter 2

**The way you feel **

**Is something everybody goes through.**

Tony's eyes snapped open. He was breathing hard and his body seemed to be acute to every smell, sound, and fell in the room. He laid there on his side, trying to get his breathing under control as his eyes, of their own accord, frantically searched the hospital room, not really looking for anything.

Breathing under control, he flipped onto his other side and ran into a warm body. He stiffened. As he wondered who it was, he watched as the sleeping Ziva turned over and buried her head into his shoulder. He grinned. He should've known.

He slipped an arm around her waist and listened to her breathing as she slept. At least, he thought she was asleep, until she whispered into his shoulder, "You're up early."

It wasn't a question but it wasn't statement either. He pressed his lips into her hair and shrugged. Quiet settled over them as they each fell into their own thoughts.

She laid there in his arms, basking in the warmth they gave her. She knew it was only a matter of time before he asked the question that she dreaded.

Knew it was only a matter of time before he pushed her away…

She squeezed her eyes shut, and dared the tears to fall. Tears were a waste of energy, a couple drops of water in an already dried-up ocean. But still…..she knew the question was coming.

So why was she sitting here, waiting for it to be asked?

Willing for it to be asked?

It was a stupid question, for she knew the answer. She loved him. She smiled into his shoulder and finally let her tears fall; her joyful tears. She said it again and again in her mind and every time she said it her nerves went ablaze.

Tony frowned as wetness seeped his shirt where her head was resting. He glanced down at Ziva, worried. "You ok, Ziva?"

He heard a muffled, "I am fine, Tony."

He frowned. "Then, why are you-." Realization hit him hard in the chest. Ziva only cried if she realized something big had happened. If she realized that someone had hurt someone she loved.

If she realized that she loved someone.

His breath caught in his throat. He pulled away abruptly, so abrupt that Ziva looked up at him in alarm, worried, her eyes asking him what she had done wrong.

But he had only pulled away so he could see her eyes. He gazed into them before he asked softly, "Ziva, do you-."

"I love you, Tony," she said, cutting him off before he could finish.

He let out the breath that he hadn't known he'd been holding before giving her a smile that dazzled her. "Thank god," he murmured before he pulled her lips to his. They kissed each other frantically as if, at any moment, they would be ripped from each others arms and hurled to the opposite sides of the world.

After a few more frantic kisses, they slowly drew apart and gazed into each others eyes, hers liquid brown, his piercing jade. They stayed like that for awhile, both of them comfortable in the silence that had settled over them. They stared at each other as if they could see one another's soul before Tony asked quietly, "Tell me about what happened that day, Ziva."

**Dark…out…**

**But you're still gotta rise up.**

Ziva stiffened at the question. _So this was how it ended. Minutes after we say 'I love you,' the moment flies from our gasp,_ she thought.

Tony felt her start to pull away and he saw from her eyes that her wall had come back up again. Instead of letting her push herself away from her like she always did, he tightened his arm around her waist. She struggled against him for a few seconds but couldn't budge his arm. She gave up. "Tony," she mumbled, "let me go-."

His lips descended onto hers. He grinned against her mouth as she moaned. She twined her arms around his neck and plastered her body more snugly against his.

A few steamy kisses later, Tony pulled back. He caught her face in his hands and gazed deeply into her eyes. He said softly, "Please, Zee. I want to know. I need to know." He skimmed her cheek with his thumb. "No matter what you tell me, I promise I won't be mad. And I will always, always, love you."

Ziva searched his eyes before she nodded. She hugged him hard once more before she stood up. He let her, knowing that she would not leave.

She walked to the window that covered the far wall. She stared down at the dark street below, not really seeing it.

Not really seeing anything.

She closed her eyes. "It was a Wednesday," she started quietly. "We had been filing reports when Gibbs gave us the rest of the day off." She turned and smiled at him. "You know how rare that is." She didn't wait for him to answer and, instead, turned back to the window, her smile fading. "You walked me down to the garage. Gave me a kiss. I told you I had to go meet someone. I left you there in the garage, walked away and didn't look back. Because, you see, I had a mission that I was supposed to do. Or, rather, I was being forced to do. They said, if I didn't do it, they'd…they'd kill you."

She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, keeping the tears from falling. "I left you there in the garage to go confront them. To tell them that Ziva David didn't take orders." She laughed, but it was a false one. "I had been so caught in my thoughts, thoughts about you and me, that I didn't even notice you tailing me. Until…until you called my name…" She took a shuddering breath.

She heard Tony's sharp intake of breath, but she ignored it, too caught up in the story to react. God, it felt as if she was reliving it again in her mind. "You remember that hotel we stood in front of, the day after Ari killed Kate? And I told you, before you threw out the pizza box, that there was one more slice in it." She turned her head and offered him a soft smile. "And you offered it to me. The perfect gentleman." She turned her face away once again, the smile gone. "You were standing in front of it when I looked back and there you were smiling at me. Just like you had that night. Then, before I knew what happened, a bomb went off in the hotel. And you got hit."

Tony watched as she told the story, but the horror at what she'd done didn't wash over him like Ziva expected it too. He just grew more angry, but not at her. Never at her.  
And when he heard her voice crack, he wanted to go and kill the thugs that had done this to her. But he knew that, right now, she needed him.

He yanked the IV out of his arm before throwing his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He walked, quietly, to her and stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. As soon as he did, she turned in his arms and pressed her face into his chest as her tears spilled over.

He rocked her gently back and forth as she cried, before he started to guide her towards the hospital bed. He picked her up and slid her under the covers before he slid in as well. He held her head to his chest and preened her hair with his fingers as he waited patiently.

**You need to wake up**

**Gotta keep your face up.**

Ziva woke up to Tony's heart beat. It was a steady rhythm against her ear. Her head rested against his chest, her back to the far window. She could tell that he wasn't asleep from the way his arms were tense as they held her close to him.

She mumbled into the shirt that the hospital had given him, "Did you…" She let the question hang in the air.

He answered immediately, knowing what she was asking, "No….couldn't…"

She flinched, guessing the reason why he had not been able to. She started to untangle her arms from where they were wrapped around his waist. One minute, she was doing this. The next, she was crushed against his chest, his arms forming a barricade around her to keep her from leaving him.

Frantically, she glanced up at him to see if he was in pain. He looked, oddly enough, calm.

She pulled back a little to make sure and froze when he looked down at her, his eyes shinning with…love?

No, it couldn't be, not after last night. It couldn't be…

"Tony," she murmured, "You know I…" She ended it like that, knowing that he knew what she was trying to say.

He smiled softly, his eyes a liquid jade. "I know…" But then he seem to realize why she had said it in the first place. He grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him. "Don't even think that what you told me last night changes anything," he said quietly, but forcefully. "I still love you and I will always love you, no matter what happens."

Ziva stared at him, searching his eyes before she threw her arms around his neck and smashed her mouth against his. At first he didn't respond, he was so startled, but then he tilted his head slightly and took the kiss deeper. Their mouths opened and their tongues met, dancing together to music only the two of them could hear.

He heard the machine go crazy in the background as his heartbeat elevated rapidly. After awhile, he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. He said, his breathing ragged, "Love you, Zee."

"Love you, Tony."

The door to the hallway burst open, revealing Gibbs in the doorway. He looked like he always did, calm, his steely blue eyes not showing any emotion. He spotted Tony and Ziva curled up together on the bed and he forced back a grin. Instead, he snapped, "Haven't I taught you anything about Rule 12?"

**Song- Face up**

**Artist- LIGHTS**

**There WILL be a sequel to this so look for it. The title is ****Hearts Intertwined, Destinies Broken**

**FIN.**


End file.
